an epiphany in a day is enough to bamboozle a tired mind, but compound multiple epiphanies with startling revelations and one can only sit and stare in the feeling of complete realisation, and the acknowlegement of God's divine plan and hand at work.

for a moment, i felt a surge of anger because i couldn't bear to tolerate the hurt that's been caused. but i'm a historian, and the past is past. it'd be so much more productive to love the ones that have been hurt even more, and with that love, recompense somewhat the gaping wounds still healing.

the most crucial jigsaw piece in the conundrum of evelyn has finally been released from God's enclosed hand. strangely enough, it has nothing to do with evelyn yet everything to do with her all at once. yet again, the mysteries of God's plan seem to go in circuitous routes, but finally end up in a destination more beautiful than when we had first begun.

God has broken one of the shackles that has so tormented my spiritual walk to no end. the familiar of feeling of guilt and shame have been washed away by the blood of Jesus. Amen! by God's grace, i've been forgiven so easily the one whom i thought would find most difficulty in forgiving me; i've finally been able to forgive myself and accept my weakness, presenting it to God. with that, i can finally embrace myself the knowledge of God's forgiveness, without the devil casting more doubt and self-hatred on my life. i'm free!!!

i often make so much of my long, torturous road of relationships, but now that i've reached the final lap, all the struggles, the regret and the mistakes made seem completely worth it for this one chance: the chance to learn from all that i've gone through to make it good with kai. my folly has been to create a hero out of my love-life while neglecting why God had allowed it to happen to me in the first place. no more. for the first time in my life, i have a relationship that stands firmly on Christ the cornerstone, no more the stumbling block, and i will tell anyone who cares to ask that YES! it's worth it to suffer the refining process to come out with precious gold. we work on that long, winding but God-led road to marriage, kai and i, and in faith.