how much do i give? a little? a lot? just enough? and what defines 'just enough' anyway? i've never been sure, and especially not now.

when you called, you were utterly irresistable. whenever i've wavered, faltered or hesistated, you've come straight away to reassure me i'm on the right track. it's not always been the way for most things, but you've left me in no uncertain terms where my path leads.

but you've given me but the finish line in sight without the road map. i expected obstacles, i just don't know if i'm ready to handle them. sometimes i don't even know if those are real obstacles in the distance or figments of my imaginative fear. perhaps a combination of both. i want to curl up in confused tears but you remind me to keep running, running, running. so i do.

a momentary turn of the head and i witness the trail you've helped me through and that warms my heart with an encouraging faith that no freezing cold can ever overcome. it often comes really close though, and drains me to weakness. i need you to keep by my side, because i know i could never go it alone. i never have, but somehow that never stops me from fearing that it might happen - silly, you tell me.

perhaps somewhere in my confused angst, your light will continue to glow and shine increasngly irresistably, as it did the first day it ever shone in my heart.