tis the end of a long, draining week and i'm thankful for the self-imposed hiatus. not really missing anything in school; GP, Int'l History... nah i think the marginal utility of sleep far outweighed the satisfaction for going to school [lol. too much studying]

here's something i haven't enjoyed for ages: slouching in my purple chair which rocks haphazardly, listening to my favourite Jars of Clay hits without needing to fret about replying SMSes or rushing h/w [except SBQ maybe]. in the distant background, the crickets are barely audible, reminding me i'm still somewhere in bukit timah, which has been my home and retreat ever since i returned from australia.

my room isn't the ideal sanctuary, sometimes tainted impurely or a tsunami-hit mess, but it'll do for me and my time with God. the soundproof walls cloister me from the world when i want them to, my proximity to the road reopens that door when i choose to creak my windows open.

as you grow older, your circle of friends increasingly widens; more voices to draw you from your loneliness but also to tempt you from your solitude. when you're attached, there's always someone looking out for you and loving you; a cuppa for the heart, but an unwitting distraction from the Lord who sent the love of your life into your life in the first place.

so, God seals the windows, closes the door, puts on a record and silences me from the world. listen to me, He whispers into my ear. touch me, i shiver unworthily. want me, and my heart sinks with guilt, knowing that i haven't thirsted for the Lord as i should be.

love me. because i loved you unendingly before time had an end.