vision

another spate of visions again. it's been a while since i've last had one that's struck me so strongly and now i've had a handful. but just one that i will share.

i'm standing, crying, and i can feel the tears on my face, but i realise that i don't have a face. all i see is this blackish, barbed figure that looks hideous, like some mutilated scarecrow. as in all visions, i know somehow that this figure represents me. me, in my awful sinfulness, in my failings and brokenness.

suddenly, His face appears. i just know it's Him. and He's awfully close, inspecting this shredded rag-doll that is me right up close, as if He were a craftsman carefully analysing His work. i felt ashamed to be there with Him. but i couldn't get out because His gaze enthralled me and fixed me in His hand. so i surrendered and allowed Him to hold me and gaze at this manifestation of my weakness and ungodliness. then, He spoke in words that seemed familiar:

"You could spend your whole life feeling horrible and wretched, but everytime you come to me, I'll point out 'right there, there's a part that's beautiful'." Then He pointed at my centre, where i noticed there was an ember glowing, softly but strongly. He didn't say anything, but i knew He meant that He saw the heart of worship with which i truly sought Him.

therein ended the vision. i was crying, of course. i think every vision has that effect on me. but it struck me to the core. "Seek me with all your heart..." i wanted to shout out "I DO" but for the fact that i was on a bus. i know that desire alone is not enough, for i must live out my faith rather than keep it inside unseen. but i felt so glad knowing that God saw that i truly wanted to know Him and to serve Him, and that the focus should not be on the frightful barbs on the outside but on the glowing ember that could smoulder all those barbs and burst forth in me to shine HIS NAME!

Amen :)