under duress

hello. mike is bloody stressed.

yeah. it's almost 4am and i'm awake. ok so i slept at 9pm last night but i had a horribly turbulent evening. thank God that my illness hasn't exploded into a full-blown episode of rasping and nose-sniffling. it would totally take me down right now. at least i'm still functioning, albeit tired and struggling with some minor symptoms. it's a lesser evil, for certain.

khorpkhun phra-jao

it's my IS. i'm technically not 'scrapping' my old idea, just having to rework it massively. i'm chronically short of slots because, having changed venue, all the time has already been taken up. i'm scrimping here and there for time, and of course having to work with the typical problems of clashing slots and over-worked juniors. i hate having to push my juniors but i don't have a choice. i'm just...i dunno. desperately lost for words now. i feel extremely weak and incapable, and i really, really need to be God-reliant throughout this period or i'm screwed.

mee phra-ong

then there's History S presentation. i didn't push on with it as much as i would've liked while Sean and Vernie were taken out by illness. i tried getting what i can but i feel like i wasted my precious time earlier and now i'm having to juggle too many balls at once. i've done some work on it, yes, but not to my satisfaction and i don't think it's enough. sigh. i love love love History S but everything's kinda piling up.

gamlang yuu nay phra-ong

of course there are the various prayer commitments from people that i've promised to pray for. i feel spiritually-bound to pray for them and certainly, i desperately want to. but i'm feeling so distracted and constrained that i don't think i'm doing them justice. i would love to have a session for an hour or more where i just pray for all these concerns, but right now, i'm having to whisper quick prayers in between work and food. i don't know. it's still prayer i guess, and maybe i'm wanting to do too much.

mai phra-yesuu, mai chiiwit

i need prayer myself really. actually, no. I need God. not that He's far away or hasn't been here, but i need to keep hanging on to Him. i can feel the stress wrenching at my heart and almost making me want to cry. i'm utterly broken.

"Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus... I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."

-Philippians 4:6-7, 13

Amen, oh Lord. Amen.